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To begin anew

March 18, 2009

Weeks ago, I had a falling out with a friend. I was so disappointed in him. I had known him for a few years, but we had this one disagreement and he decided to end it. Why? He decided that he had enough of my “negativity”. Go figure. I thought he was a friend and that friends stick together and try to work things out. But, he decided to give up on me by ditching me. But that’s okay. It’s done. I didn’t beg him to forgive me or beg him not to leave. I knew that he had made up his mind. Thinking back, I realize that he had been like that all along. The change is in me. I finally opened my eyes and realized that he’s a weak man with his head buried in the sand. He buries himself in his writing and his painting. He wants to deny the harsh reality that you can’t always trust people, that even if they look nice…that doesn’t mean that they are nice. I have learned from experience and it was hard to accept, but I think I am accepting it.

He has a site where he posts his thoughts. I just checked it today and it’s a rant about how nobody cares about his opinion and that someday, they’ll feel sorry that they didn’t care about him…because when they realize it he’ll be gone. I read it twice and the more I read, the more disgusted I felt. How could I have spent time talking with this person? What was I thinking? I see now what drew me to him. There is a sad, pitiful quality to him. He is sad and damaged. The earliest poem he wrote was angry. I vaguely remember some sad poems too. I remember being able to relate to them. That seems like so long ago. Well, I’ve left that girl behind. I don’t want to feel sorry for him or feel sorry for myself. I need to stand up and live. I need to be strong and not give up on myself. I also don’t have to worry about others who leave me in the cold. If they don’t want to listen, then I don’t care. That’s their loss. I have my life and my future to consider.

It was inevitable that the friendship would end. I do need some change. And in my opinion, by letting him go I left behind a lot of negativity. He just brought out the anger and frustration in me. He made me feel too reliant on him. But I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. I need to be self-reliant and recognize my potential.


Summer Research

February 13, 2007

I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get it, but it’s not like it came as that big of a surprise. I don’t have a solid basis so I’m starting this blog so I can kind of organize my thoughts and just keep track of what I learn or discover about my many interests. I like art, history, music, politics, philosophy, psychology…I think that covers them for the most part. There’s so much to learn. I don’t expect to know everything, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to self-educate myself. I really feel that my education is lacking in many areas. I really don’t expect to learn a whole lot in college. Each semester is only 17 weeks. Time flies even faster in college than in grade school.

This will be a learning experience for me. I want to know more than what college will teach me. College can only teach me what I major in, for the most part. I’m Pre-law and Philosophy major. Well…I’ll see how this goes.

Hello world!

February 13, 2007

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

What is Fascism?

February 13, 2007

According to Wikipedia, is a political ideology and widespread movement that seeks to place the nation, defined in exclusive biological, cultural, and/or historical terms, above all other sources of loyalty, and to create a mobilized national community. It’s a radical form of government likened with totalitarianism, nationalism, authoritarianism, militarianism, corporatism, anti-liberalism, and anti-communism. Totalitarianism is when the state controls nearly all aspects of a society or government. Nationalism is the belief that the interests of the nation, surpass those of the individuals in society, the ones who live in that nation. Militarism is the belief that the military can serve the interests of the people best; it must follow the concepts, beliefs, culture of the military.  Corporatism is when civic assemblies (corporations, not as we know them today) each control a certain aspect of society. One assembly could control the social aspect, another could control the economic aspect, and so on. Anti-liberalism opposes the idea of liberalism, which is that liberty is the most important value of any society. Anti-communism opposes the idea of communism that there are no classes in society, everyone has a claim to the resources of that society.

Benito Mussolini first used the word. Fascism comes from the Italian word “fascio” which means “union” or “league” and from the Latin word “fasces” which means rods bundled around an axe. That’s rather interesting. The fasces was an ancient Roman symbol of the authority of magistrates, and the symbolism of the fasces suggested strength through unity: a single rod is easily broken, while the bundle is very difficult to break.

I think that’s all for today. The article is long and interesting. I will try to read the rest later. But I am very busy. It’s always good to start from the origins of a concept.